People Share Their Most Disgusting Amsterdam Sex Confessions And They Are Incredible
Recently, I went to Amsterdam to see what all the fuss is about.
As it turns out, it’s a friggin’ utopia where seemingly anything goes, including all sorts of debauchery and cannabis abuse.
As is the norm with a visit to Holland’s capital, I took a trip to the infamous sex museum, which let me tell you, is a really bizarre experience.
In there, they have a wall called ‘Amsterdam Erotic Confessions’, where tourists can write down their naughtiest and downright nastiest sexual exploits and anonymously share them with the world.
Unsurprisingly, some of them are disgustingly hilarious, so I took the courtesy of taking pictures of them so I could remember them through my hazy state and show them all to you.
“I once brought a boy home with my friend and we ended up having a threesome. Afterwards she fell asleep and I fucked the guy again who then came on my friends sleeping face. Oopsies.”
“I started an affair with a man at work who introduced me to the world of killing kittens. Since then I have been to organised orgies and met men for sex after work. My fiancee still doesn’t know.”
“One time I was so horny and really wanted sex but had no condom. I had to use an empty packet of cheese and onion crisps!”
“I once used my mum-in-law’s vibrator with her son. Hope it’s clean.”
“Once my boyfriend and I wanted to try deep-throating. In the end, I had to puke… on his dick! Sorry baby!”
“I once got fingered while interviewing someone for a job #HR #hegotthejob”
“I’m adopted and met an amazing guy on Tinder. We met up about 10 times and had the wildest, dirtiest sex ever. I eventually found out her was my biological brother. We are still having sex now and I don’t regret it one bit.”
“I once walked in on my sister wanking off the family dog.”
“One time my boyfriend and I got fucked up on molly/ecstasy and he fucked me with a glowstick. It was amazing!”
“I once had sex with a guy that I was seeing and ended the night with two others. A while later I met all of them in a group and none of them knew about the other. Still feel guilty. Awkward!”
“I had a foursome with my manager (a married man), some guy and some random girl who is now my bestfriend. Fuck my life.”
“I once put a black pudding up my bum while masturbating.”
“I go to Thailand just to be fucked by ladyboys. We often touch tips. It’s my favourite part.”
“I fucked my boyfriend then went on a night out, slept with a stranger then went back home and sat on my boyfriend’s face. WOW!”
“I had to sit in a guy’s bath for hours after he made me a spicy Mexican dish and clearly didn’t wash his hands. My vagina was on FIRE.”
“She might be crying. She was kind of dry. It was doggy style. I hope she was not crying. I paid her…”
“I once bought a strap-on so I could attach it to my head and my girlfriend could sit on it.”
“I was once having sex with my boyfriend but suddenly there was blood everywhere. I wasn’t on my period though, he snapped his banjo string. I couldn’t stop laughing but he was in so much pain. I just kept asking him if he wanted a pad to deal with his period.”
“My first blowjob was given in a Jewish temple in Alabama. Sorry Rabbi!!”
“My boyfriend’s biggest turn on is having sex in a minion suit. Try it.”
“My boyfriend cleaned our buttplug by boiling the kettle and dipping the buttplug in it. He lives at home with his parents who still use that kettle everyday.”
“One time I put a watermelon in a microwave and tried to masturbate with it. It sucked (but not as much as when my sister walked in).”
“I once used a deodorant can to pleasure myself, but the lid came off and got stuck in my vagina. My mum had to take me to hospital to get it out. I was 15.”
“My favourite sex with my girlfriend is when she is on her period and dripping blood on my dick.”
“Once I let my Scottish girlfriend lick haggis off my balls… we’ve been doing it ever since.”
“I once let my boyfriend pee on me the condition that I could poop on him. He agreed and it was amazing.”
“My best friend fucked a really fat girl next to me in Magaluf. She squealed like a pig the whole time and it gave me nightmares for weeks.”
“A few weeks ago, my work colleague invited me over for dinner, but it ended up in a threesome with her neighbour.”
“I once had sex with a married man in daylight by a housing estate in some bushes. It was wild.”
“My boyfriend wanted to try anal with me and I said the only way it would happen is if I could stick my finger in his butt while he was jerking off. We now do this once a month.”
Oh, and this is a picture I took of my mate Jim in the museum. You know, just to piss him off and get his face out there for 6 million people.
Images via iStock