The World's First Smart Condom Can Tell You How Good You Are In Bed
As a man, you often wonder how you compare in bed to your current partner’s exes. Is this the best time she’s ever had, somewhere in the middle, or even the worst?
It’s a burning question that, though quite easy to find out – asking and hoping they tell the truth – you’re not sure you ever really want to know the answer. Say for instance I was sleeping with a girl who had slept with 19 people prior to me. All is going well and then, ultimately, we finish (some 50 Shades shit going on here). As I roll over, I turn to her and say, without a hint of irony:
“Hey, how was that? Like out of all of the people you’ve slept with, where do I rank?“
And she replies:
“Weird that you’re asking but alright. Hmmm… I suppose out of the now 20 people that I’ve slept with, you’re second. Yeah, you’re the second best shag I’ve ever had.”
Honestly I’d be mortified. Second out of twenty is a very good position to be; silver medal and all that, but there’s one guy out there, Mr Gold, and he’s walking around with a better method and probably bigger dick than me. In fact he’s not walking, he’s obviously shagging, isn’t he? The bastard.
Don’t ask. You don’t want to pull that thread.
Well now you don’t need to ask, since there’s a condom out there that will give you all of the answers that you need.
It’s called i.Con, and it’s the world’s first ‘Smart Condom’ even though it’s not technically a condom – more of a cockring, really.
As well as detecting STIs, the i.Con will send data from your sex session straight to your smartphone! You know when you get a little message on your lock screen saying something like “Hey, Alfie. You’ve only walked 5,000 steps today. You should pick it up if you want to meet your target!“? Imagine being on the train and getting the message that the people next to you could read “Alfie! You only lasted two minutes last night! Better pick it up or your lady’s going to leave you! Also thrust deeper- she’s not really feeling it, champ…”
I don’t want that.
The i.Con will also allow you to compare your stats to those of people all over the world using the same product, so long as they’re comfortable sharing their data. The condom measures the number of calories burned, the speed of the thrusts, how long the fella lasts and even what positions are used…
Adam Leverson, lead engineer for the i.Con Smart Condom, said:
“It’s here and it’s beautiful. We wanted the i.Con to look refined, non-intrusive and lightweight – the finished article is nothing short of any of those things.
There’s a lot of tech packed into the i.Con and for us to be able to deliver it in such a way that there is absolutely no hindrance to the user was our main goal – and I think we have gone above and beyond with the i.Con to make sure of this.
I’m just so happy that we can now share the i.Con with the world!“
The i.Con is a small rubber band that one wears around the base of one’s penis. You’re encouraged to use an actual condom with it.
Thankfully, it’s waterproof, very stretchy so it can fit all sizes, and lights up… for some reason. Maybe if you’re having sex and you here a noise downstairs, you can go and investigate without getting a torch?
John Simmons, a spokesperson for British Condoms, added:
“We’re extremely excited to share with the world the first glimpse of the i.Con Smart Condom Ring due to go on sale in the UK in January 2018.
It’s truly the next step in wearable tech and we believe we have pioneered a product that will not only bring an extra element of fun into the bedroom, but will also help indicate potential STI’s present as well as prevent condom slippage, a leading cause of unplanned pregnancy in the UK.“
So yeah, keep your eyes peeled for that in the new year. Here I was excited for the new Avengers film…
Also follow me on Twitter – @AlfiePowell
Images via i.Con, iStock